Getting to know each other

Different contexts bring out different sides of a person. In the nearly 2 years that we’ve known each other,we have lived in 6 different nations, switching between different cultures, communities, housing situations,etc. In that time, we have also developed from being strangers, friends, housemates, dating, engaged, married, and now parents. Each of these aspects calls for certain expectations and reveals something new about us, as we adapt to the circumstances they make up. 

There is a multitude of different ways to get to know someone, both in the way the knowledge is

received and in the way that the person is understood. People are inherently complicated, but the coolest part of getting to know someone is not really knowing them, but the “going on a journey” with them and sharing in their journey. As we have traveled together in the past year or so “the journey” has become much more important than our preferences, in that the preferences are a given, but the journey is continually shifting and evolving. We might know each other's preferences well - and a good thing at that - but we never know where we’ll go next. And that’s a great thing. 

We were talking about the desert seasons we’ve been in, what they’re for and our general attitude toward being in the desert. To be honest, the attitudes haven’t always been good. But the desert has been. Getting to know each other and relating to each other can be the same. The desert is like being in a state of suspension, and sometimes the tension of not moving gets to people. We all have that inner drive to work, but when in the desert - at some point - one realizes “ok, this is where I’m at.” During these times of suspension is when the most growth happens, however. It happens inwardly, and down. 

Having the belief that we were created in the image of God as a foundation dictates that we’ve all got some character growth to do. How could we ever reach that point? Well, we were made for it. But it requires continual transformation, which happens as we contemplate the Lord’s glory. (2 Cor 3:18) Do we ever “finish” getting to know each other, then? No. If we’re lucky, we get to watch each other grow and change and transform over time, and have our view of God expand in the process, as more of Him is revealed. So even if you learn all the facts there is to know about someone, there is so much more to learn along the way. If that weren’t the case, the idea of a lifelong marriage would seem inevitably boring. The relationship should almost never be in stasis. Yet, the growth can be so slow, or so deep, that it looks stuck. As it were, there are a lot of ways to grow and to change, just as there are to get to know each other. Perceptibly impossible changes can happen overnight, and maybe that change you’ve been hoping for 40 years still hasn’t happened yet. Andrew has said from the beginning that he expects both of us to change and by the time we reach a certain age be almost unrecognizable to the person we got to know at the beginning of the marriage: we won’t be the same person we married. And yet, we’ll recognize each other for exactly who we are, as we’ve grown further into Christ-likeness and our God-given identity. 

Another thing to bear in mind is that we still have things to discover about ourselves. Hidden talents, surprising quirks, unknown values, etc. They might not come up until allowance is given by the other partner. They might not come up because they haven’t been developed. Or they might not come up until the right context does. But when they do, make room for them. Even if it changes the perception of the person that’s not a bad thing. It adds to who they are and often improves them. There will always be treasures to find.